There is no problem

Why?

Most of us have heard of the Greek legend of Sisyphus, who was consigned for eternity to roll a boulder up a hill only to have it elude his control at the last moment and roll back down, causing Sisyphus to once again begin his futile task.

Reflecting this legend, many of us might have encountered times in our lives that seemed to involve Sisyphean tasks that are frustrating and seemingly pointless as every time we begin to get close to our goal something goes awry and we have to start again, or at least go back a few paces before setting off once more. Or the goal is not as close as we thought. Our lives themselves may at times seem like this, with always one more mountain to climb before we get to our destination.

Those of us who have engaged in what can be broadly termed self-improvement may be very familiar with this way of things. We spend so much time striving to improve ourselves, not materially but emotionally and psychologically. We spend our money doing this. If we are lucky we come across the right therapy, practice, religion, school of thought or any combination of these that helps us ease our personal discomfort, helps us heal. We resolve childhood and teen trauma; we resolve issues with our parents and family; we find and face our own limitations and seek to overcome them. All with the goal of being healthier, happier and wiser.

Perhaps we achieve this goal to increasing degrees but there is always the next thing. The next layer of the onion to peel away. Our lives may change. We may find ourselves, find out who we really are. Our relationships may improve, or end, with new and more fulfilling ones replacing them, but as each of these milestones are passed our eyes look ahead to the remaining challenges to be overcome. Continuous improvement is not just a workplace strategy, it’s a lifestyle.

Well, if it is not your lifestyle then it certainly is mine. Ever since my thirties when I started to ‘work on myself’, as the expression goes, this part of my life has increased in intensity and importance. It has become central to who I am and what I do. Happily, I can report real progress and I am not any more troubled by some of the thoughts and behaviours that did not serve me well. I am genuinely happier and have better relationships with friends and family. Particularly in recent years I have felt closer to that Elysian Plain of complete unrelenting happiness and contentment than I could even have imagined in those earlier years. Yet now I realise that this whole time I have been like Sisyphus.

I have been like Sisyphus as no matter how hard I pushed, no matter how hard I struggled and what sacrifices I made, it was always inevitable that not only would I never reach the top of the mountain but my striving, struggling and sacrifice would need to continue without end. The view might improve, the rock might even feel lighter at times and in other moments I might not feel alone in my struggle uphill, but I had still blinded myself to the truth that I was, I am, never going to get there. Encoded within my efforts was the inevitable failure to achieve my goal. Until now.

Now there is no problem. Everything is perfect.